本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Break-ups generally happen because the partners are not working together as hard as they might; they are not working to make their marriage a success, but are merely waiting for success to be handed to them on a place. If they face the problem in this way, of course they will fail. It is a mistake to regard love and marriage as an ideal state, or as the happy ending of a story. It is when two people are married that the possibilities of their relationship begin; it is during marriage that they are faced with the real tasks of life and the real opportunity to create for the sake of society.
The other point of view, the point of vie of marriage as an end, as a final goal, is far too prominent in our culture. We can see it , for example, in thousands of novels, which end with a newly married couple, who are really only at the beginning of their life together. Yet the situation is often treated as if marriage itself had solved everything satisfactorily:
as if the couple has won through to the end and would now live happily ever after. Another important point to realize is that love by itself does not settle everything. There are all kinds of love, and it is better to rely upon work, interest and co-operation to solve the problems of marriage.
There is nothing at all miraculous in the marital relationship. As we have seen, the attitude of all individuals towards marriage is an expression of their life style; thus, we can not understand it unless we understand the whole individual. It is consistent with all their efforts and aims. We can discover , for example, why so many people are always looking for a way out. I can tell exactly which people have this escapist attitude: all the people who are still pampered children. This type of person can be a danger to society- these grown-up spoilt children whose life style was fixed in the first four or five years of life.
‘Can I get all I want?” they ask in every situation……
The result is that they do not want to contribute , they always want to have everything handed to them on a plate. Marriage too is, for them, something to have on ‘sale or return’. They want companionate marriages, trial marriage, easier divorces: at the very beginning of marriage they demand freedom and a right to be unfaithful if the feeling takes them. Now if one human being is really concerned for another, they must show all the characteristics of that concert: they must be reliable and faithful, responsible and a true friend. Unless a person’s marriage and love life meet these requirements, they have failed in this, the third great problem of life.
解释一下， Alfred Adler 这里说的the third great problem of life 是指 love and marriage. 他认为人生需要解决三大问题，第一个问题关于work。是从人类生存的角度分析. 这个问题没有马斯洛的需求理论解释得详尽。第二个问题是关于Social feeling ，讲人与社会的关系。很好地解释了比如说自杀，抑郁症这些问题。更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
The other point of view, the point of vie of marriage as an end, as a final goal, is far too prominent in our culture. We can see it , for example, in thousands of novels, which end with a newly married couple, who are really only at the beginning of their life together. Yet the situation is often treated as if marriage itself had solved everything satisfactorily:
as if the couple has won through to the end and would now live happily ever after. Another important point to realize is that love by itself does not settle everything. There are all kinds of love, and it is better to rely upon work, interest and co-operation to solve the problems of marriage.
There is nothing at all miraculous in the marital relationship. As we have seen, the attitude of all individuals towards marriage is an expression of their life style; thus, we can not understand it unless we understand the whole individual. It is consistent with all their efforts and aims. We can discover , for example, why so many people are always looking for a way out. I can tell exactly which people have this escapist attitude: all the people who are still pampered children. This type of person can be a danger to society- these grown-up spoilt children whose life style was fixed in the first four or five years of life.
‘Can I get all I want?” they ask in every situation……
The result is that they do not want to contribute , they always want to have everything handed to them on a plate. Marriage too is, for them, something to have on ‘sale or return’. They want companionate marriages, trial marriage, easier divorces: at the very beginning of marriage they demand freedom and a right to be unfaithful if the feeling takes them. Now if one human being is really concerned for another, they must show all the characteristics of that concert: they must be reliable and faithful, responsible and a true friend. Unless a person’s marriage and love life meet these requirements, they have failed in this, the third great problem of life.
解释一下， Alfred Adler 这里说的the third great problem of life 是指 love and marriage. 他认为人生需要解决三大问题，第一个问题关于work。是从人类生存的角度分析. 这个问题没有马斯洛的需求理论解释得详尽。第二个问题是关于Social feeling ，讲人与社会的关系。很好地解释了比如说自杀，抑郁症这些问题。更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net